Saturday, 8 January 2011

102 Things A Guy Should Know About Girls. EXTREME EXTENDED EDITION! Part 2

Here's part two of my masterpiece. Oh and by the way, yesterday I had people arguing over a picture of a duck, by calling it a black swan. It amused me greatly!

Part two:

31. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).What has this got to do with anything? Besides, I look goddamn sexy in ANYTHING I wear, including nothing (especially wearing nothing)

32. We love it when you hug us from behind and whisper in our ear.

And we love oral sex. Quid pro quo Clarice.

33. "Fine" is NEVER an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

Don’t like it? How’s “like a dead cat dragged through a hedge’’ grab you then? Badly? what if I informed you the cat died from complications arousing from morbid obesity?

34. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. Don’t obsess over that.

And when I fantasize, its almost exclusively about busty Asian pornstars you, so at least that matter is settled.

35. I expect you to call me. If you don’t, you go down.

I go down? You don’t mean, DOWN TOWN CHARLIE BROWN?!?!?

36. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be. Don’t you dare take advantage of that.

Coming from the gender who have the saying “Hell have no fury like a woman scorned’’ attributed to them.

37. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.


38. You look hot in hooded clothing items. Always.

What, because you can’t see what’s underneath? THAT’S RIGHT LAUGH IT UP BITCH , THAT DOOR SWINGS BOTH WAYS

39. You should never tell a girl what to do. Ever.

Yeah, god forbid you learn any disciple. You just carry on your free vapid lives, with no meaning other than to find out the latest celebrity news and fashion trends. I'll just be over here trying to continue whats left of civilization.

40. Any decent man will ask a girl out to her face. I mean; if you aren’t man enough to ask us out to our face, who says youre gonna be man enough to our boyfriend at all.

It’s called modesty and/or shyness you prick. But hey, you go out with the tough guy who asked you out to your face in front of everyone, and then high fived all his bros when you put out.

41. Girls are very impressed when you ask them for advice. Unless its about another girl.

Why you be unimpressed by that? Contrary to popular belief, not every man in the world fancies you.

42. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.

You’re also unimpressed by men who tell you what to do, so I guess the sesible thing to do is to part ways. We’ll continue our manly inventions such as Engineering, Philosophy and Video games, and you continue your womanly inventions (citation needed)

43. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.

Blue, so blue shirt. Hey cool, some actual advice! ….but wait, what if I’m wearing jeans, Blue +blue? That can’t be right… Oh my god, FASHION DISASTER!!

44. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.

> You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving

You mean generally being a man and awesome? Yeah I know

>eating a peach

oh well, if you’re into that kind of thing I guess….

>Holding a baby

Get out.

45. Girls need to hear how you feel about them. Often. Tell her now.

Is “Me-want-boobie-touch’’ a feeling?

46. A girl wants to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this and tell her.

I’m sorry but this is impossible. The best thing to ever happen to be has already happened, and its called the Playstation.

47. If she’s not feeling loved, she will start looking....

Haha, you almost convinced me that women aren’t already constantly “window shopping’’. Almost had me..

48. We like it when you tell us what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself. It’s cute.

This is a downright lie. You say you want to hear what I’m thinking, but when I say “I’m wondering, what’s the usual time to give after you dump a girl, that you’re allowed to do her sister?’’ you get furious!!

49. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...

Pornography is cheating now?

50. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.

Don’t worry darling, I can do both!

51. We can fall in love with you without really knowing you, if you are an @ss, we will find out, and we will get over it. Fast. Don't ruin it.

So what you’re saying is you’re gullible, and have the emotional stability of a child. Cool thanks for the heads up

52. You like her, make a move. Don’t just sit there, you will fail, and you won’t get her.

Incorrect. If I don’t try, then I don’t fail. Man logic: FLAWLESS VICTORY!

53. Guys who play sports are hot. They build muscle, and no matter what we will be at all of your games.

Perfect. You’re just in time for competitive online table tennis. Bring a change of underwear honey, you’re about to enter the horn zone.

54. When you compliment us, we aren't sure how to accept the compliment without leading you on or reject the compliment without hurting you. So just bear with us here.

That cool. To be honest when I said “God damn them some big old titties’’ It was more for me than for you.

55. WE HATE BEING LED ON! If you think it's bad being led on by a girl, try being led on by a guy.

I can’t find that out because that would mean I am gay (which incidentally, after reading this list sounds kind of nice)

56. We like it when guys are willing to have an actual relationship, not just a one-night stand. Most girls don't like pimps or players, just guys who like ONE girl only.

Holy shit, I have to go tell all those women I had one night stands with right away! They are like, SOOOO in denial.

57. But don't be obssessive. Major turn-off.

Obsession leads to greatness. Fuck you.

58. Call sometimes, just to say hi, not for a certain reason. When we see your number on caller ID, our heart always skips a beat. Try calling just to say good night, or good morning, its soo adorable!

What am I, a hotel fucking receptionist? Us men have shit to do, you want to waste your life talking about meaningless shit? That’s what your girlfriends are for.


I’m human, so no.

60. Don't ONLY tell us what we want to hear. We HATE that.

Oh you, there you go, LYING again. You’re getting pretty good at that.

61. At sleepovers, if you wonder what we talk about, quit worrying. It really is only you.

Sleepovers? I didn’t realise I was dating a 15 year old school girl.

62. If you catch us staring, it is most likely because we're spacing out, not because we really stare at you. Unless we smile when you notice. Then you either look really hot, or we like you.

When I catch you staring the first thing I think is “jammed cog’’ so I wouldn’t sweat it.

63. We like it when you hold us when we're crying. It's good to feel loved and safe.


64. Don't go to our friends to talk about us. Come straight to us.

We don’t go to your friends either. We’re wise enough to realise your friend’s lies would be worse than yours.

65. Don't tell us you love us unless you are positive you mean it. If we don't say it back, it's just that we really want to mean it when we say it. Don't say it right away, then it shows lack of commitment.

Well if I can’t say it unless I mean it, how else will I bone you?

66. We like our hands to be held and our waists to be touched.

And boobies to be fondled, yeah yeah we know the drill.

67. We like you to kiss our hand and cheeks and forehead (esp. forehead!!), not just shove your tongue down our throats. We do like to breathe.

You’re gonna hate “Zasranec time'' then.

68. We like it when you're tender, but don't lose your masculinity.

Unpossible, unstoppable force, immovable object etc.

69. Do chivalrous things when we least expect it (ex. holding doors for us).

Is earning more money chivalry?

70. As surprising as it may be, while guys might actually look at personality, the first thing girls look at tends to be looks. We're not going to see you and think, 'I wonder what his personality is like!' Terrible, but true.


Final part coming soon


  1. haha females are so full of shit. Love the blog, hilarious so I followed you :)

    Wanna check out my retro gaming blog?

  2. Mate, just checked out your blog, whats the first thing I see?


    keep it coming

  3. Agreeing with ya here, most of these are pretty woman magizineish

  4. bitches are so annoying, great post. following you bro

  5. dude, very cool blog! can't wait to see more, check out my blog, going to start posting daily, followed :)

  6. hahah wow, my idea of "love" keeps getting crushed more and more each day xD thanks man. but hey, i'm gonna check back anyways lol, your blog's entertaining

    oh and you can check mine out too if you'd like; just my random thoughts on day-to-day shniz:

  7. Haha awesome, interesting read, some things i never knew! ;D

  8. thanks for stopping by and following my blog! i love yours and am following it now too :D


  9. This made me LOL with my morning smoke and bagel. You, sir, are were my 9 AM hero!

  10. Oh you guys, you're giving my ego a boner.

    New post coming SOON (soon as I'm not hungover that is)

  11. ahah
    this could be useful

  12. GREAT POST BRO your a great writer :)