Thursday, 13 January 2011

102 Things A Guy Should Know About Girls. EXTREME EXTENDED EDITION! Part 3


71. If we love you, and youre hurt on the basketball court, rolling on the floor in pain; we’re hurting more just watching you.

Only a fucking moron could get hurt playing basketball. (HURR I PUT DA BALL IN DA NET, OPPS I BROKED MY ARM SOMEHOWS) Then again, only a moron would think basketball is interesting enough to warrant playing it, so you know…..I don’t care.

72. We LOVE it when you get nervous around us. It's adorable! Don't think you have to be Mr. Cool Guy all the time.

I knew it. I thought it was strange that all the anxious and socially inept goons were getting laid left, right, and centre. Apparently you girls like that.

73. Don't play hard to get. We’ll get bored and move on.

That’s like saying the donkey with a carrot hanging in front of its face will get bored and stop trying to eat it (Zasranec’s top tip: It never stops)

74. If you don't call us, then we will spend hours thinking about why you never called, and we will waste a lot of time thinking about it, eventually coming to the conclusion that we don't like you anymore.

Girls, wasting a lot of time thinking about trivial shit that doesn’t matter? AM I IN BIZARRO WORLD?!?!

75. We lost interest quickly if you lead us on but never take action.

You mean you LOSE interest. And anyway, why can’t you take a little action if it bothers you that much? Opps I forgot, responsibility makes you come out in a rash or something.

76. We might seem to flirt a lot, but a girl always thinks about the one guy she really likes right before she falls asleep.

So do you girls like, get off on blatantly lying or something?

77. When a girl likes a guy, she subconsciously gives him a song that makes her think of him every time she hears it.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man you can’t be serious. Even breasts aren’t worth this level of faggotry.

78. If guys do the same as girls do in #77, tell her what song reminds you of her.

This implies men have brains made out of molten-fuck like women apparently do.

79. Randomly compliment girls in conversations. If you're talking about sports, be like "Oh, by the way. , that shirt really made your eyes look green today " It totally throws us off, and we love it.

Yeah, I’ll say stuff like “That shirt really made your eyes look green today’’. Because what women love most is for men to sound like they recently had a lobotomy.

80. Ask us about how we're doing once in a while, and at least pretend to be interested.

You mean lie to your face to make you feel better? Way ahead of you.

81. If we're not talking to you, we secretly want you to talk to us first.

Oh I’m sorry, silly me, I hadn’t been practicing my psychic powers recently and completely missed that one!

82. Play with our hair without being like a gay hairstylist.

That’s like asking us to empty the sea with a small sieve, whilst simultaneously trying to legitimise a degree in art. Fuck you.

83. We get really happy when you show any sign of interest. Don't just do it and then never do it again. Bad bad bad…

My bad. I forgot women can’t remember anything for more than a week unless it regards fashion or gossip bullshit.

84. Keep up the conversation on IM and phones and in person! Don't be awkward. That’s bad.

If you were even remotely interesting we’d have something to talk about. But since you’re not, no dice.

85. We will always feel bad if we don't like you back. Not all girls are b!tches, no matter what you may think. We hate to reject you.

>Implying women have emotions aside from jealousy and greed

HAHAHA oh god, this is why we need a “REJECT REALITY’’ button.

86. ok, so some girls are b!tches and they like rejecting boys, but the people who wrote this group are not. better?


87. If we say "Let's just be friends", we really mean it. Don't keep trying to pursue us, and don't say ok and then ignore us. That's just mean and horrible.

Ok, guys who keep pursuing after you say "Let's just be friends" are dicks who can’t deal with life. But we are within rights to ignore you after. What do you expect? To stay friends with you, and then watch you, the girl we like, flaunt yourself about town with the guys you like? I’ve never been in this situation, but if I ever am, and the girl EXPECTS me to stay friends, my rage will consume this world.

88. It's adorable when a best guy friend who a girl has thought about liking confesses he likes her.

Dawwww yeah, so cute! Or like, when he then goes to Thailand to bang some cuter (and thinner) girls he met a club, bringing back gonorrhoea as a present. WAIT A MINUTE, THAT’S NOT ABORABLE…

89. If you’re single, find the one girl who’s always there on the sidelines at your football game, or at each of your concerts, all your baseball games. She loves you. Her excuse may be that she’s there for her brother, but she’s really there for you.

Either that or because she has gangbang fantasies. BUT I’M SURE SHES THERE FOR YOU <3

90. After you find that girl, smile at her once in a while, it’ll mean the world to her.

What am I, homosexual? I can’t smile. Will a scowl do?

91. Get to know her, you’ll make her year first of all, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll end up liking her.

You expect us to invest a year (on a girl we don’t even know no less) on the off chance that we might get Stockholm syndrome from being around her so long? The English language doesn’t have enough ways to say “I hope you choke’’.

92. Not all blondes are b!tches. Some are cool.

True. Some are also complete cretins.

93. Not all blondes are sluts. Some have morals.

True. I met a blond prostitute once who donates to charity. I met her at a charity event, if that’s what you’re thinking I met her at a brothel. (I'd rather been seen in a brothel than at a charity event)

94. In your mind, give every girl a chance. Each one deserves at least one.

Humans, in general, are selfish, vile, idiotic, back stabbing creatures, who are at most, only one body waxing and language course ahead from apes. And you expect me to give half of these gibbons the benefit of the doubt? I have no words for what I am feeling, so I’m just going to mash my face on the keyboardryx 6yg ygnrfx5

95. Girls fantasize too, its just not always about sex.

Then it’s not a fantasy, it’s a “shopping list’’ you dicks.

96. We girls give you guys code names so that you don’t know that we’re talking about you. :]

So do we, except we do it so blatantly you girls think it couldn’t possibly be you. (turns out “that dumb bitch over there’’ actually was you!)

97. If you’re jealous, it may suck for you, but we think it’s attractive if you really care that much.

I’ve heard this said to a guy before as an excuse for acting like a slut, and the guy bought it. Turns out guys can be complete idiots as well.

98. If a girl blushes when you talk to her, she either likes you or she's embarrassed by what you're saying.

Or she’s wearing blush. But hey what do I know, I’m SURE it’s because she likes you!

99. Girls don’t really write your name on a piece of paper a million times if they like you, that’s a myth…… sometimes

Who the hell tells that myth? You are all fucking insane.

100. If a girl really likes you, just seeing you will make her day.

I’ve heard rumours that such feelings come from strong emotions, but having not experienced it myself I deny their existence.

101. Even if you aren’t all that cute, and we like you, we think you’re hot. Don’t take advantage of that, take pride in that.

Take pride in what, that you think uggos are hot?

102. Every time you smile at us, it may mean only a little to you, but it means the world to us. Don't take the little things for granted.

Enough with the smiling. A smile is what happens when someone is happy (apparently). The reminder that you exist (cue: seeing you) is NOT enough to warrant a smile. You are not that important. The promise of a threesome with your sister on the otherhand...

 Well that's the end of one mini-project, I hope it was enjoyable.


  1. Entertaining. Where did you get those 102 things

  2. From one of those stupid "Like me" things on facebook

  3. Very nice ending. I may have to actually take a tip or two from those.

  4. geez man... not all women are as bad as youre making them out to be hurr >.>" lol i know some of these are stupid but you don't have to bash on each and every one

  5. you sound pretty cynical... good read though

  6. Pikamitsu: I'm glad to have made some small impression on this earth.

    Baron: Hey come on now, don't make me put a disclaimer up! (Because if I do, I swear to god it will be the most terrible and foul disclaimer you will ever read)

    Some Guy: Welcome to the dark(er) side...

  7. nice blog, just subbed to it.

    Make sure to follow mine at

  8. a bitch is a bitch and a hoe is a hoe

  9. I was waiting for this post somewhere in the back of my mind for days. Very funny!

  10. Nice. Like a breath of fresh air compared to all of the smutty nonsense out there.

  11. Hey cool page, as per the circle arrangement, I am following you and visiting daily, would you be so kind as to do the same for me? If anyone else wants the same just follow me and I'll follow you:

  12. You're blog is by far one of the funniest on here, keep it up bro

    "True. I met a blond prostitute once who donates to charity" LMAO

  13. Really good stuff man, slightly cynical though. Followed!

    Make sure to follow me at

  14. Love the comments. XD

    follow <3

  15. This is epic. I used to think a lot of these responses in my head when I'd read these. Good job!